Thai Beef Cabbage Cups & Radish Squash Slaw

Today has been a pretty awesome day. I like being able to start posts like that. I'm tempted to share the recipe for what I'm eating right now I'm in such a good mood, but it'll have to wait. It's that good - you'll want to. So what has been good today? Well for starters I woke up feeling crummy thanks to yet another throat issue. I'm chalking it up to the 4 glasses of red wine I had this past weekend. I swear I didn't even feel them though...strange. Maybe it was throat poison. Damn you cheap bar wine. But wait Emily, that isn't good news... Of course it's not. But I pushed through the yuck and got myself out of bed and into the CrossFit Blacksburg box and did the 3rd Open WOD. Albeit, with modifications on the push-press weight and toes-to-bar (my flexibility sucks!) but I still kicked my own butt. Which was awesome. Total numbers ended up being 131 box jumps, 96 push-presses, and 72 knees to big ol' ground sloth belly.

I couldn't move my arms after. I literally sat in bed and wanted to cry for a good 2 hours. Once I gained some mobility in my shoulder joints I started posting things I've been meaning to sell on eBay. Holy moly that sh*t is complicated and tedious. PayPal? Money? What are these things? I ended up getting through 3 things and YAHOO one sold within 10 minutes of me posting it! I was super stoked.

After I finally got up to shower I decided Elle needed a long walk and I needed some cold remedies. We parked and walked through downtown Blacksburg all the way up to Eats Natural Foods where I scored a free sample of some immune booster - an elderberry lozenge - and got an herbal/zinc/aluminum concoction that helps fight nasty viruses. I also purchased SeaSnax - seaweed snacks. I shall now review these.

First thing that ran through my head: Is seaweed paleo? Meh they're on sale. And Wasabi flavored. Mmmm. I walk outside to where Elle was obediently sitting (shocker of the century) and open the pouch. BAM gust of wind - typical Blacksburg - bye bye first sheet of seaweed. I watch a dark green square flutter through the breeze (read: gale force wind) and land on a windshield. Then I quickly walk away. What? I didn't see anything...Then I look down into the container they come in. They're thin squares of seaweed that must weigh negative ounces. I had no idea how to eat them so I just stuffed a square into my mouth, causing it to get stuck on the roof of my mouth and send wasabi waves up into my sinus cavities. Yum. Long story short? Mom, you would love these. Seaweed lovers? You probably would too. People like me? Um, I paid how much for wasabi flavored air??? Yeah. They were on sale too. Next!

That wasn't so bad though. Our walk was lovely. My pits were sweating despite wearing deodorant and the cooling effect of the breeze. That was before my Americano too. I went to my favorite coffee house Bollo's Cafe & Bakery and got a 3 shot Americano hayoooo. Then Elle and I sat in the Farmer's Market Park where she proceeded to terrify people with little dogs. What did I tell you about little dogs people??

Don't be fooled, I had a treat in my clenched hand. 

Now here's the part that makes my day, possibly even my life. I'm all like alright I'm feeling a spending bug coming on. What do I want most? Le Creuset. Duh. So I decide to check out our local TJ Max (Maxx?) to see if they had any. Walkin' the aisles, walkin' the aisles - and nothing. Pissed. Then I realize there's like no baking-wear here. Must be in the wrong aisle. Dumb, Emily, dumb. I turn the corner and LO AND BEHOLD one. last. GREEN. Le Creuset baking dish. I squealed. That's not as cute of a sound as you think coming from me. Especially with this throat issue. Green is my favorite color too by the way. Best part? It was $16.99. SH*T YEAH TJ MAXX/MAX. So I picked up some 4$ ramekins too. And a basting brush. Total? 26 boners. Look at me now.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. LE CREUSET!

So I'm like giddy as sh*t and super excited to make my dinner - which, as I've already said, was bomb. I'm on seconds now. Typical. Fat. Merh. And I'm now on ChowStalker!! Yay! Maybe people will actually want to read about my incredibly boring life! There's a lesson in all of this good day rambling too. Did you catch it? Today had its downsides. Sickness, eBay frustrations, close to death post-WOD, etc. But despite the crap I came out good. Why? I looked at the brighter things in my life. Sure they're random and probably only make me happy, but that's why you gotta find what makes YOU happy. That's the secret to life. Whatever works for you, works. Unless you're a serial killer. Then you should probably reevaluate things...

Before I get to the recipe of ze day I want to semi-review one more thing. Except it's not really a review because I'm going to be straight with you all and tell you this sh*t rocks up front. I've said sh*t a lot this post. My bad.

Todd's Bayou Dirt  is the best. It's an awesome blend of spices with no MSG or any other terrible crap like sugar. I could bathe in this stuff. It's spicy and wonderful and Todd, my friend, you are a genius. I put this on eeeverything. Kale chips and sweet potato chips mainly, but eeeverything. I highly recommend grabbin' some of this stuff, which you can do at Whole Foods.

Oven - 375*. 1 head of kale, washed &
torn into bite sized pieces. Toss with 2 tbsp
EVOO, sprinkle with Todd's Dirt, roast
in a single layer on a pan for 15 minutes.
Kill the entire batch. Which I
def did not do...

Oven - 400*. 1 med/large sweet potato,
slice with mandolin or knife into chips,
spray baking sheet with coconut oil spray,
sprinkle with Todd's Dirt, roast 8-10 mins,
flip chips over, roast 6-8 more mins.
Eat entire potato. Whoops.

Jeeze 3 recipes for the price of one? Just kidding. I'm awesome and give you guys these for free. Mainly because they're probably worth 2 cents at most. But hey, it's my 2 cents. And that should be special. Ok, so now starts the Emily paleo recipe modification marathon. Basically, I'm taking a sh*t-ton of recipes and paleo-fying them. It's a fun experiment and I test on myself so you all don't have to wince in disgust. First up? Thai Beef Cabbage Cups with Radish Squash Slaw. I had my friend Vicki over to test these babies out and she's looking to go Paleo so I was under a lot of pressure! The slaw is to die for. The cabbage cups are amazing as well, but I let them get too luke-warm before serving them. Toasty hot out of the skillet or cold from the fridge are the best ways to serve this dish. Flavors are on point though. Without further ado...

Thai Beef Cabbage Cups with Radish Squash Slaw

Serves 4 (Serving size - 2 cabbage cups w/ filling)

Slaw: 

• 2 tablespoons dark sesame oil
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar
• 1 tablespoon tamari
• 2 teaspoons honey
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut carrots (about 2 medium carrots)
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut radishes
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut yellow squash
• 3 tablespoons fresh cilantro

Cabbage cups: 

• 1 tablespoon + 1/2 tablespoon dark sesame oil, divided
• 2 teaspoons minced peeled fresh ginger
• 3-4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 lb ground sirloin
• 1 tablespoon raw honey
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 1 1/2 tablespoons fish sauce
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• 1/2 cup vertically sliced red onion
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 8 large green cabbage leaves
• 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped unsalted walnuts

Slaw: 

1. Combine oil, vinegar, tamari, honey, and salt in a medium bowl. 

2. Add the carrot, radish, and squash (I used the mandolin method). 

3. Toss to combine. Top with fresh cilantro and let chill in the fridge while you prepare the cabbage cups.

Cabbage cups: 

1. Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add 1 tablespoon of oil and swirl to coat. Add the ginger and garlic, cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. 

2. Add the beef, cook 5-7 minutes or until browned, stirring to crumble.

3. Combine remaining 1/2 tablespoon of oil, honey, lime juice, fish sauce, water, and crushed red pepper in a large bowl. Add beef mixture, onion, and cilantro. Toss well. 

4. Place 2 cabbage leaves on each plate. Divide the beef mixture evenly amongst the cups. Top with the chopped walnuts. Serve with the slaw aaaaand....Devour.

Yeah that picture of my developing calluses is to take up space. Deal with it. I'm proud of them. That's all from your two favorite weirdos. Unicarrot and sprawl-dawg. Seriously, I'm embarrassing. I'll stop now. Hope you all had as wonderful a day as I did! 

Lamb Chops with Spicy Cilantro Relish & A Review of PULP: Organic Acai Bowls & Smoothies

I'm eating beef jerky right now and Elle is staring at me salivating. I think that's hilarious. The me eating jerky part, not Elle begging. That's standard. A month ago I wouldn't be caught dead eating jerky. A month ago I also couldn't do a prescribed workout. Which I just did. For the first time. HOORAY! I'm absolutely tickled pink about this. Especially since I legit thought I was going to die after downing several paleo pancakes (recipe soon...to. die. for.) and then looking at the WOD. Somewhat miraculously though I shaved time off my mile and did the prescribed workout. These pancakes must give the consumer supernatural abilities. We'll get to those later on this week.

Oh and before we did the WOD I went to the bathroom and someone was like goin' to get rid of those pancakes? And brilliant Emily decides to respond, no I just wanna empty everything out before doin' burpees. Clarification: I was not going to poo myself. I have a tendency to pee when I get excited and hop up and down so I was ensuring that my bladder was relatively empty. Instead I came off as a gross weirdo. What else is new. Not that peeing yourself is any better...

Before I get to today's recipe I want to review a wondrous treat I was able to consume yesterday on my ride back to Blacksburg. As you may or may not know I'm a locavore. That means I only eat local, sustainably produced meat and, for the large majority of my purchases, in-season vegetables and I support local business ventures rather than huge corporate conglomerates. Sure I go to Whole Foods on the reg when I'm at home and Kroger when I must down here in Blacksburg, but I mainly go to locally owned stores. Buy Local. Eat Local. Live Local. I'm pretty sure that's Blacksburg's motto, but don't quote me on it.

Yesterday my tummy was growing quite ravenous as I was driving down the incredibly long and boring Interstate 81. I decided to stop in Harrisonburg, VA - home of James Madison University and a sh*t-load of chickens. There I had the privilege of eating the most amazing blended concoction ever. Within the open doors of the Shenandoah Bicycle Company a breeze flutters magically over their side project PULP: Organic Acai Bowls & Smoothies. This place is the monkey's bananas. I don't know if that's an actual saying but for now it is. I'll let their menu explain a little:

DO YOU SEE THOSE TOPPINGS??? DO YOU. Good. Because I'd get every one of them if I had enough money in da bank. But wait! This week is the Taste of Downtown festival or something in Harrisonburg and so you can buy 2 for the price of one! The guy at the counter was so nice and he clearly didn't know I could consume 2 easily so he let me buy one for half off instead. I seriously thought about going back after I downed mine in 3.4 milliseconds to get another but stopped myself for...well I'm not sure what reason.

In my bowl I got: Acai pulp base, Banana, Coconut Milk, Almond Butter, and Shredded Coconut.

WEgoiheglkashoqhoIEGHWO ohmygod. It was amazing. They blend all the ingredients together and sprinkle the coconut on top. Acai has this crazy chocolatey taste so it pairs amazingly with nut butters and - you guessed it - chocolate. The coconut milk balanced the flavors of the almond butter, banana, and acai so nicely. My experience at PULP was amazing. Great customer service. Great atmosphere. Ingenious idea. And amazing product.

Elle enjoyed licking the bowl clean for me. There wasn't much left in there. I tried to stick my face down in it to get as much as I could - it was that good - but my snout isn't long like hers. Damnit evolution. Give me a long snout for licking the inside of bowls. I'm sure my burpees, pushups, wall-facing squats, etc. would really enjoy a long snout smacking the ground/wall every time I completed a rep. All the more reason not to go down so low, right??? Nope. Fail.

That brings up a really silly mental image. Do people with ginormous noses smack their shnozz against the ground when they do pushups and stuff? One of the coaches yesterday told us we should be able to lick the wall when doing squats facing the wall. Hah, not without a thick coating of almond butter and dark chocolate syrup, coachy. C'mon meow.

Ok ONE more thing before I get to the recipe, I promise. So the other day I went to put on Pandora in the car. Mark and I share the same account because we listen to similar music so you can imagine my surprise when I go to the stations list and I see this:

See it? A couple down? Yup. Slut Radio. WTF is that sh*t? Of course I immediately text Mark and I'm all like what the heck bro, what're you doin' listenin' to Slut Radio. That ain't cool yo. He plays the whole, what're you talking about? card and tries to act like it was ME that was listening to Slut Radio. Honestly, neither of us has any clue how it got on there. Someone must be hacking my Pandora account and telling me to get my groove on. No thanks, mystery hacker. I'm good with my Hard Rock Strength Training station and Dillon Francis Radio. GET SWOLE. I'm embarrassing.

Lamb Chops with Spicy Cilantro Relish
Yields about 4 servings. Maybe less if you're like me.

Mmmm lamb chops. Not to be confused
with the popular children's TV show. 

Lamb:

• 1/2 tablespoon EVOO
• 1 teaspoon grated Lemon Rind
• 1/2 teaspoon ground Cumin
• Olive Oil Cooking Spray
• 1 (1 1/2 pound) French Cut Rack of Lamb (8 ribs), trimmed
• Sea Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper, to taste

Cilantro Relish: 

• 1 cup finely chopped Red Onion
• 1 Jalepeno pepper, finely chopped (seeded if you don't like the spicy goodness)
• 3/4 cup chopped Fresh Cilantro
• 1 tablespoon fresh Lemon Juice
• 2 teaspoons EVOO
• 1/4 teaspoon Sea Salt

Lamb Directions: 
1. Preheat oven to 400*
2. Combine first 3 ingredients for the lamb. Mix well.
3. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Coat with EVOO cooking spray. Sprinkle lamb with 1/4 teaspoon salt and pepper. (See note below) Add lamb to pan - cook 2 minutes on each side. Spread oil, lemon rind, and cumin mixture over the lamb.
4. Move lamb to a baking pan if you don't have an ovenproof skillet. Place pan in the oven and bake for 15 minutes or until a meat thermometer registers 138*. Remove lamb from the pan and let stand 8 minutes. Cut into chops (see note below).


Cilantro Relish Directions: 
1. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat. I used the same skillet I cooked my lamb in to get some of those flavors incorporated in. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add onion and jalapeno, saute 5 minutes.
2. Combine onion mixutre, cilantro, and the remaining ingredients in a medium bowl. Serve alongside the lamb chops and enjoy!

**Note: the lamb I purchased from Ayrshire Farm was already pre-cut into chops. This is no problem for the recipe. I just lumped them back together and cooked them the same way I'd have cooked it if it were all one big chunk of lamb. Also a budget buy would be to purchase less expensive loin chops in place of rack of lamb!

I served mine alongside simple roasted brussels sprouts. Each serving should have 2 chops. I unfortunately only purchased 5 and so I only had one on my plate. Lamb is small too so you may want to consider plating it with something more filling. Mark was still hungry post-meal, but he eats like 6000 calories a day. Must be nice.