Catholicism-Inspired Will-Power

I'm not religious in an organized sense by any means. This is not to say I don't believe in a higher power, but it's a belief system that's far too complicated to delve into right now. Trust me, we don't want to have this conversation just yet. I DO like testing my will-power though. As some of you may know, unless you're living under a rock exempt from all social media, today is Fat Tuesday. If only my name were Tuesday, this holiday would be right up my alley. Tomorrow starts the major penitential season of the Christian/Catholic liturgical year: Lent.

Lent is like, my favorite 40 days ever. Why? Well, my mother has a slight cursing problem when she's at the office. I say f*ck at home and all hell breaks loose but in a professional setting it's totally okay, right mom? Anyway, every year during lent my sister and I get 2$ for every curse word she says. We. Make. Bank. It's awesome. I'm going to buy so many pairs of shoes and under armor crazy pants in 40 days. This year, I thought I'd make things interesting. You see, I have some addictions. Let's go through them, shall we?

• Pinterest. Mother of god. This website is a vacuum of productivity. I am SO glad I didn't know much about it until my final semester last year or my GPA would have plummeted. What do I do on Pinterest? I make boards pertaining to all things interesting (in my eyes) and they're awesome. I also like to get creative on the names of my boards. For example we have: 

1. Homeslice - decor ideas for my future, multi-billion dollar home. 
2. Hilarity - nerd humor. bathroom humor. things I find hilarious. I'm probably alone on many of them..
3. Fooood - self explanatory. because I like food so much, it gets several extra o's in the middle. kind of like the rolls around my mid-section. does that give a weird mental image? it kind of does. 
4. Mother Nurture - animals. plants. nature. things the great mother makes beautiful. I'm soooo earthy. 
5. Aaaand the rest aren't too interesting, but by golly I find some great stuff on there. It's where almost all of my recipes come from. And outfits. When I'm not wearing oversized sweaters, an infinity scarf, and leggings. My Go. To. Outfit. Or flannel. I'm a bum.

• Twitter. You (I) think I'm funny here? Ooooh then check out my twitter. Hilarity is sure to ensue. I share way too much, with way too many, for way too little (read: nothing). Twitter seriously makes me wish I were a celebrity. I want people to think my jokes are funny, but in actuality I know they're not. 90% of the time. I gotta give myself a little credit. Twitter basically allows me to stalk people in a non-creepy way. Facebook got way too creepy and confusing and politically/meme-ily CRAZY. Twitter let's me selectively view people I care about. Like DJ's. And authors. And intellectuals. But I'm obsessed. I update way too often for not enough people who care way too little. MEH. Check it out in 40 days and maybe I'll have enough followers to make a difference! YEAH!

• Dark Chocolate. I think this is pretty self explanatory as well. I finally crushed all the chocolate my mom sent me for Valentine's Day. Yes, Valentine's Day was last week. Yes, there was a lot of chocolate consumed. How could I not! It was from Whole Foods. A place I miss so dearly simply for the plethora of chocolate nuggets they have right before you check out. Evil. Strategic. You win, Whole Foods, you always do. I do, however, still have those little chocolate nuggety morsels that I used to make JB over at PaleOMG's Sweet Potato Brownies. That girl might like chocolate more than I do. And almond butter. But she also can lift more than my body weight (which is saying A LOT) and has like 0% fat from what I can see in pictures. So, all in all, she's winning and can afford to eat chocolate and nuts galore. I, sadly, cannot. 
• Hot Sau5. See what I did there? Eh? Eh? Clever, I know. You could probably spell it like hot 5au5. But that gets confusing. This is an addiction I can stand to keep. In the picture above you can see a little bottle hiding in the corner. That sh*t is amazing. All the peppers are grown and bottled locally by Chinkapin Hill Forest Farms. I go through about a bottle a week. I told my hot sau5 guy this on Saturday at the Blacksburg Farmers' Market and he got so tickled pink. Yes, I have a hot sau5 guy. Yes, I just said tickled pink. But seriously, that's why I support community agriculture and local businesses. They truly, truly appreciate your business and you get direct customer interaction with the head honchos. When was the last time you talked to the CEO of Smithfield (bacon lovers, I'm calling you out) or Cargill? That's what I thought. 

That's actually pretty much it on major addictions. Excluding Mark and red wine of course. Aw, I'm such a sweet lush of a girlfriend. So yeah, I'm going cold turkey on Pinterest, Twitter, Dark Chocolate AND to add on to that, I'm going to be a good paleo girl and do a Whole9 inspired 40 day challenge. Yes, that means no more legumes. Nor can I have my beloved cheat days. I will, however, still be drinking red wine. Before you get all up in my face, I literally have 2 glasses at MOST on nights that I drink and those nights typically only fall twice a week. Wednesdays and Saturdays. So, if that's illegal, Whole9 nazis, shoot me. Oh that's right, cavemen didn't have guns. HA. 

You may be wondering about a few things: 

1. But ET, how are you going to survive without Pinterest for recipes? Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll actually be going through all of my cookbooks and attempting to paleo-fy them. I'm actually really excited about that because most of the time I have no idea what the f*ck I'm doing in the kitchen, so this should be an experiment that will follow along those same lines. If it's good - I post. If it's bad - I post so you guys can vom too. I told you to always question things didn't I? Just kidding. I won't post. But I'll definitely fill you in on the experience!
2. How are you going to survive without chocolate? I have no. f*cking. idea. But alas, I will share with you the triumphs and struggles of my journey. 
3. What about almond butter? Isn't that an addiction too? Yes, asshole. It is. That's why this happened today: 

Fear not. I have another bottle. MUAAHAH. 

So yeah. I'll keep you all updated on my progress. I'm excited. I like testing my willpower. I'm also going to start re-reading all my old textbooks. Why? Because I'm bored as SH*T in the real-world and I miss studying so much. Like so. much. I'm a freak. I also made some bomb ass tahini chicken at my friends' place last night and ate it all up before I could snap a picture. I've got another breast (that makes 3!) so I'll post that recipe tonight at some point. It's so. good. 

K BYE. Time to go bat-sh*t crazy on Pinterest, Twitter, and CHOCOLATE. RAWRRRR.