The Sloth

The Wholly Mammoth-Sized (belly) Ground Sloth
ET & Eleanor Rigby

ET. Sloth-like. Enjoys curling up in bed with Eleanor Rigby, also known as Smeleanor, Smelly, Elle, Ellie, or Poop-Nugget. Maybe not that last one, well, only when I'm feeling silly. Former (k recovering) lazy blob. NOT a former athlete. NOR am I very coordinated when it comes to anything. Kind of a nerd. Dark chocolate ADDICT - seriously, it's crack. Future ex-pat scholar in Edinburgh, Scotland. Obsessed with food. And clean dishes. Cleaned by my mouth. Sometimes Elle's too.

I have a spoiled dog. I have an endless pit of a stomach, estimated to be the size of a glacier - although this may not hold much significance with the current state of our arctic. I have weak baby arms. And often self-photograph - yeah you're welcome. Not. Sorry in advance.

Must love dogs. And animals in general. And food.

PHOTO DUMP: This is my life in a (wal-)nutshell
I'm a TA for an Animal Reproductive Physiology lab. We had a practical (exam-type thing) fall on Halloween. Naturally I decided to dress up as a zombie-motorcycle-badass-jaguar. Elle fell victim to my blood-thirst. I promise she loves me despite how much i torture her.  Oh yeah. And Elle comes to labs a lot. She's spoiled as shit. I can't stand to leave her alone for extended periods of time. She looks at me with these big, brown, beautiful, SOUL-PIERCING eyes and demands to tag along - telepathically or something. She's relatively well-trained though and so she just kinda chills, following my every move. Oh and she tries to eat the penises, placentas, testicles, ovaries, and so on with various reproductive parts that are SO fun to say. You cringed when I said penis didn't you. Grow up.

This is Michelle making me into a Ke$ha/Skrillex hybrid. The thought of that combo is just scary. I think I'm really cool as you can tell in this picture. I'm not. That rat tail is pretty sweet though...

This is the most precious thing I've ever seen. You don't think so? Do you have a soul? I think not. Never mind that she was most likely rolling around in another animal's poop/pee/bodily excrement. F*ckin' animals man. Who eats poop for fun? And rolls in it? Not this girl I can tell ya that.
Now above we have my homegirl Lindsay. She lives in New York City now and I could not be more jealous. We were totally sober as you can tell. Virginia Tech football games will do that to you. Who am I kidding? I know nothing about sports, nor do I pretend to cheerlead for them. Girls who do - you suck. Lindsay actually knows a shit ton about sports. Seriously she's like Erin Andrews except cooler and better. I don't actually know Erin personally, so I'm sorry if she's actually a really cool person. Whatever my friends >>. This was pre-paleo. In fact, all blonde pictures of me are of the pre- days. Something about dyeing your hair the color of dirt makes you wanna eat like a caveman I guess. Or maybe it's because I couldn't distract people from my big ol' belly without my blinding (fake) golden locks anymore.

Top of Dragon's Tooth. XXXL sized. Because it's that beautiful.
No not my massive thighs, the view silly.

This is my homie David and his pup Sadie hiking Dragon's Tooth with Mark, Elle, & me in Southwest VA. David is huge. Like muscles huge. I think he can bench press my body weight times 2 which is saying A LOT because let's be honest, I weigh more than a full-grown saber-toothed tiger. I hate Mark and David. They're bros. They eat like whatever-the-heck-they-want and have trouble gaining weight. F*ckers.

How cute are we. A match made in heaven. Don't mind the boogers.

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