Thai Beef Cabbage Cups & Radish Squash Slaw

Today has been a pretty awesome day. I like being able to start posts like that. I'm tempted to share the recipe for what I'm eating right now I'm in such a good mood, but it'll have to wait. It's that good - you'll want to. So what has been good today? Well for starters I woke up feeling crummy thanks to yet another throat issue. I'm chalking it up to the 4 glasses of red wine I had this past weekend. I swear I didn't even feel them though...strange. Maybe it was throat poison. Damn you cheap bar wine. But wait Emily, that isn't good news... Of course it's not. But I pushed through the yuck and got myself out of bed and into the CrossFit Blacksburg box and did the 3rd Open WOD. Albeit, with modifications on the push-press weight and toes-to-bar (my flexibility sucks!) but I still kicked my own butt. Which was awesome. Total numbers ended up being 131 box jumps, 96 push-presses, and 72 knees to big ol' ground sloth belly.

I couldn't move my arms after. I literally sat in bed and wanted to cry for a good 2 hours. Once I gained some mobility in my shoulder joints I started posting things I've been meaning to sell on eBay. Holy moly that sh*t is complicated and tedious. PayPal? Money? What are these things? I ended up getting through 3 things and YAHOO one sold within 10 minutes of me posting it! I was super stoked.

After I finally got up to shower I decided Elle needed a long walk and I needed some cold remedies. We parked and walked through downtown Blacksburg all the way up to Eats Natural Foods where I scored a free sample of some immune booster - an elderberry lozenge - and got an herbal/zinc/aluminum concoction that helps fight nasty viruses. I also purchased SeaSnax - seaweed snacks. I shall now review these.

First thing that ran through my head: Is seaweed paleo? Meh they're on sale. And Wasabi flavored. Mmmm. I walk outside to where Elle was obediently sitting (shocker of the century) and open the pouch. BAM gust of wind - typical Blacksburg - bye bye first sheet of seaweed. I watch a dark green square flutter through the breeze (read: gale force wind) and land on a windshield. Then I quickly walk away. What? I didn't see anything...Then I look down into the container they come in. They're thin squares of seaweed that must weigh negative ounces. I had no idea how to eat them so I just stuffed a square into my mouth, causing it to get stuck on the roof of my mouth and send wasabi waves up into my sinus cavities. Yum. Long story short? Mom, you would love these. Seaweed lovers? You probably would too. People like me? Um, I paid how much for wasabi flavored air??? Yeah. They were on sale too. Next!

That wasn't so bad though. Our walk was lovely. My pits were sweating despite wearing deodorant and the cooling effect of the breeze. That was before my Americano too. I went to my favorite coffee house Bollo's Cafe & Bakery and got a 3 shot Americano hayoooo. Then Elle and I sat in the Farmer's Market Park where she proceeded to terrify people with little dogs. What did I tell you about little dogs people??

Don't be fooled, I had a treat in my clenched hand. 

Now here's the part that makes my day, possibly even my life. I'm all like alright I'm feeling a spending bug coming on. What do I want most? Le Creuset. Duh. So I decide to check out our local TJ Max (Maxx?) to see if they had any. Walkin' the aisles, walkin' the aisles - and nothing. Pissed. Then I realize there's like no baking-wear here. Must be in the wrong aisle. Dumb, Emily, dumb. I turn the corner and LO AND BEHOLD one. last. GREEN. Le Creuset baking dish. I squealed. That's not as cute of a sound as you think coming from me. Especially with this throat issue. Green is my favorite color too by the way. Best part? It was $16.99. SH*T YEAH TJ MAXX/MAX. So I picked up some 4$ ramekins too. And a basting brush. Total? 26 boners. Look at me now.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. LE CREUSET!

So I'm like giddy as sh*t and super excited to make my dinner - which, as I've already said, was bomb. I'm on seconds now. Typical. Fat. Merh. And I'm now on ChowStalker!! Yay! Maybe people will actually want to read about my incredibly boring life! There's a lesson in all of this good day rambling too. Did you catch it? Today had its downsides. Sickness, eBay frustrations, close to death post-WOD, etc. But despite the crap I came out good. Why? I looked at the brighter things in my life. Sure they're random and probably only make me happy, but that's why you gotta find what makes YOU happy. That's the secret to life. Whatever works for you, works. Unless you're a serial killer. Then you should probably reevaluate things...

Before I get to the recipe of ze day I want to semi-review one more thing. Except it's not really a review because I'm going to be straight with you all and tell you this sh*t rocks up front. I've said sh*t a lot this post. My bad.

Todd's Bayou Dirt  is the best. It's an awesome blend of spices with no MSG or any other terrible crap like sugar. I could bathe in this stuff. It's spicy and wonderful and Todd, my friend, you are a genius. I put this on eeeverything. Kale chips and sweet potato chips mainly, but eeeverything. I highly recommend grabbin' some of this stuff, which you can do at Whole Foods.

Oven - 375*. 1 head of kale, washed &
torn into bite sized pieces. Toss with 2 tbsp
EVOO, sprinkle with Todd's Dirt, roast
in a single layer on a pan for 15 minutes.
Kill the entire batch. Which I
def did not do...

Oven - 400*. 1 med/large sweet potato,
slice with mandolin or knife into chips,
spray baking sheet with coconut oil spray,
sprinkle with Todd's Dirt, roast 8-10 mins,
flip chips over, roast 6-8 more mins.
Eat entire potato. Whoops.

Jeeze 3 recipes for the price of one? Just kidding. I'm awesome and give you guys these for free. Mainly because they're probably worth 2 cents at most. But hey, it's my 2 cents. And that should be special. Ok, so now starts the Emily paleo recipe modification marathon. Basically, I'm taking a sh*t-ton of recipes and paleo-fying them. It's a fun experiment and I test on myself so you all don't have to wince in disgust. First up? Thai Beef Cabbage Cups with Radish Squash Slaw. I had my friend Vicki over to test these babies out and she's looking to go Paleo so I was under a lot of pressure! The slaw is to die for. The cabbage cups are amazing as well, but I let them get too luke-warm before serving them. Toasty hot out of the skillet or cold from the fridge are the best ways to serve this dish. Flavors are on point though. Without further ado...

Thai Beef Cabbage Cups with Radish Squash Slaw

Serves 4 (Serving size - 2 cabbage cups w/ filling)

Slaw: 

• 2 tablespoons dark sesame oil
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar
• 1 tablespoon tamari
• 2 teaspoons honey
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut carrots (about 2 medium carrots)
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut radishes
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut yellow squash
• 3 tablespoons fresh cilantro

Cabbage cups: 

• 1 tablespoon + 1/2 tablespoon dark sesame oil, divided
• 2 teaspoons minced peeled fresh ginger
• 3-4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 lb ground sirloin
• 1 tablespoon raw honey
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 1 1/2 tablespoons fish sauce
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• 1/2 cup vertically sliced red onion
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 8 large green cabbage leaves
• 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped unsalted walnuts

Slaw: 

1. Combine oil, vinegar, tamari, honey, and salt in a medium bowl. 

2. Add the carrot, radish, and squash (I used the mandolin method). 

3. Toss to combine. Top with fresh cilantro and let chill in the fridge while you prepare the cabbage cups.

Cabbage cups: 

1. Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add 1 tablespoon of oil and swirl to coat. Add the ginger and garlic, cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. 

2. Add the beef, cook 5-7 minutes or until browned, stirring to crumble.

3. Combine remaining 1/2 tablespoon of oil, honey, lime juice, fish sauce, water, and crushed red pepper in a large bowl. Add beef mixture, onion, and cilantro. Toss well. 

4. Place 2 cabbage leaves on each plate. Divide the beef mixture evenly amongst the cups. Top with the chopped walnuts. Serve with the slaw aaaaand....Devour.

Yeah that picture of my developing calluses is to take up space. Deal with it. I'm proud of them. That's all from your two favorite weirdos. Unicarrot and sprawl-dawg. Seriously, I'm embarrassing. I'll stop now. Hope you all had as wonderful a day as I did!