Thai Beef Cabbage Cups & Radish Squash Slaw

Today has been a pretty awesome day. I like being able to start posts like that. I'm tempted to share the recipe for what I'm eating right now I'm in such a good mood, but it'll have to wait. It's that good - you'll want to. So what has been good today? Well for starters I woke up feeling crummy thanks to yet another throat issue. I'm chalking it up to the 4 glasses of red wine I had this past weekend. I swear I didn't even feel them though...strange. Maybe it was throat poison. Damn you cheap bar wine. But wait Emily, that isn't good news... Of course it's not. But I pushed through the yuck and got myself out of bed and into the CrossFit Blacksburg box and did the 3rd Open WOD. Albeit, with modifications on the push-press weight and toes-to-bar (my flexibility sucks!) but I still kicked my own butt. Which was awesome. Total numbers ended up being 131 box jumps, 96 push-presses, and 72 knees to big ol' ground sloth belly.

I couldn't move my arms after. I literally sat in bed and wanted to cry for a good 2 hours. Once I gained some mobility in my shoulder joints I started posting things I've been meaning to sell on eBay. Holy moly that sh*t is complicated and tedious. PayPal? Money? What are these things? I ended up getting through 3 things and YAHOO one sold within 10 minutes of me posting it! I was super stoked.

After I finally got up to shower I decided Elle needed a long walk and I needed some cold remedies. We parked and walked through downtown Blacksburg all the way up to Eats Natural Foods where I scored a free sample of some immune booster - an elderberry lozenge - and got an herbal/zinc/aluminum concoction that helps fight nasty viruses. I also purchased SeaSnax - seaweed snacks. I shall now review these.

First thing that ran through my head: Is seaweed paleo? Meh they're on sale. And Wasabi flavored. Mmmm. I walk outside to where Elle was obediently sitting (shocker of the century) and open the pouch. BAM gust of wind - typical Blacksburg - bye bye first sheet of seaweed. I watch a dark green square flutter through the breeze (read: gale force wind) and land on a windshield. Then I quickly walk away. What? I didn't see anything...Then I look down into the container they come in. They're thin squares of seaweed that must weigh negative ounces. I had no idea how to eat them so I just stuffed a square into my mouth, causing it to get stuck on the roof of my mouth and send wasabi waves up into my sinus cavities. Yum. Long story short? Mom, you would love these. Seaweed lovers? You probably would too. People like me? Um, I paid how much for wasabi flavored air??? Yeah. They were on sale too. Next!

That wasn't so bad though. Our walk was lovely. My pits were sweating despite wearing deodorant and the cooling effect of the breeze. That was before my Americano too. I went to my favorite coffee house Bollo's Cafe & Bakery and got a 3 shot Americano hayoooo. Then Elle and I sat in the Farmer's Market Park where she proceeded to terrify people with little dogs. What did I tell you about little dogs people??

Don't be fooled, I had a treat in my clenched hand. 

Now here's the part that makes my day, possibly even my life. I'm all like alright I'm feeling a spending bug coming on. What do I want most? Le Creuset. Duh. So I decide to check out our local TJ Max (Maxx?) to see if they had any. Walkin' the aisles, walkin' the aisles - and nothing. Pissed. Then I realize there's like no baking-wear here. Must be in the wrong aisle. Dumb, Emily, dumb. I turn the corner and LO AND BEHOLD one. last. GREEN. Le Creuset baking dish. I squealed. That's not as cute of a sound as you think coming from me. Especially with this throat issue. Green is my favorite color too by the way. Best part? It was $16.99. SH*T YEAH TJ MAXX/MAX. So I picked up some 4$ ramekins too. And a basting brush. Total? 26 boners. Look at me now.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. LE CREUSET!

So I'm like giddy as sh*t and super excited to make my dinner - which, as I've already said, was bomb. I'm on seconds now. Typical. Fat. Merh. And I'm now on ChowStalker!! Yay! Maybe people will actually want to read about my incredibly boring life! There's a lesson in all of this good day rambling too. Did you catch it? Today had its downsides. Sickness, eBay frustrations, close to death post-WOD, etc. But despite the crap I came out good. Why? I looked at the brighter things in my life. Sure they're random and probably only make me happy, but that's why you gotta find what makes YOU happy. That's the secret to life. Whatever works for you, works. Unless you're a serial killer. Then you should probably reevaluate things...

Before I get to the recipe of ze day I want to semi-review one more thing. Except it's not really a review because I'm going to be straight with you all and tell you this sh*t rocks up front. I've said sh*t a lot this post. My bad.

Todd's Bayou Dirt  is the best. It's an awesome blend of spices with no MSG or any other terrible crap like sugar. I could bathe in this stuff. It's spicy and wonderful and Todd, my friend, you are a genius. I put this on eeeverything. Kale chips and sweet potato chips mainly, but eeeverything. I highly recommend grabbin' some of this stuff, which you can do at Whole Foods.

Oven - 375*. 1 head of kale, washed &
torn into bite sized pieces. Toss with 2 tbsp
EVOO, sprinkle with Todd's Dirt, roast
in a single layer on a pan for 15 minutes.
Kill the entire batch. Which I
def did not do...

Oven - 400*. 1 med/large sweet potato,
slice with mandolin or knife into chips,
spray baking sheet with coconut oil spray,
sprinkle with Todd's Dirt, roast 8-10 mins,
flip chips over, roast 6-8 more mins.
Eat entire potato. Whoops.

Jeeze 3 recipes for the price of one? Just kidding. I'm awesome and give you guys these for free. Mainly because they're probably worth 2 cents at most. But hey, it's my 2 cents. And that should be special. Ok, so now starts the Emily paleo recipe modification marathon. Basically, I'm taking a sh*t-ton of recipes and paleo-fying them. It's a fun experiment and I test on myself so you all don't have to wince in disgust. First up? Thai Beef Cabbage Cups with Radish Squash Slaw. I had my friend Vicki over to test these babies out and she's looking to go Paleo so I was under a lot of pressure! The slaw is to die for. The cabbage cups are amazing as well, but I let them get too luke-warm before serving them. Toasty hot out of the skillet or cold from the fridge are the best ways to serve this dish. Flavors are on point though. Without further ado...

Thai Beef Cabbage Cups with Radish Squash Slaw

Serves 4 (Serving size - 2 cabbage cups w/ filling)

Slaw: 

• 2 tablespoons dark sesame oil
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar
• 1 tablespoon tamari
• 2 teaspoons honey
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut carrots (about 2 medium carrots)
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut radishes
• 3/4 cup mandolin-sliced or julienne cut yellow squash
• 3 tablespoons fresh cilantro

Cabbage cups: 

• 1 tablespoon + 1/2 tablespoon dark sesame oil, divided
• 2 teaspoons minced peeled fresh ginger
• 3-4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 lb ground sirloin
• 1 tablespoon raw honey
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 1 1/2 tablespoons fish sauce
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• 1/2 cup vertically sliced red onion
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 8 large green cabbage leaves
• 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped unsalted walnuts

Slaw: 

1. Combine oil, vinegar, tamari, honey, and salt in a medium bowl. 

2. Add the carrot, radish, and squash (I used the mandolin method). 

3. Toss to combine. Top with fresh cilantro and let chill in the fridge while you prepare the cabbage cups.

Cabbage cups: 

1. Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add 1 tablespoon of oil and swirl to coat. Add the ginger and garlic, cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. 

2. Add the beef, cook 5-7 minutes or until browned, stirring to crumble.

3. Combine remaining 1/2 tablespoon of oil, honey, lime juice, fish sauce, water, and crushed red pepper in a large bowl. Add beef mixture, onion, and cilantro. Toss well. 

4. Place 2 cabbage leaves on each plate. Divide the beef mixture evenly amongst the cups. Top with the chopped walnuts. Serve with the slaw aaaaand....Devour.

Yeah that picture of my developing calluses is to take up space. Deal with it. I'm proud of them. That's all from your two favorite weirdos. Unicarrot and sprawl-dawg. Seriously, I'm embarrassing. I'll stop now. Hope you all had as wonderful a day as I did! 

Tomato Cup Eggz, Flu Tea, Sesame^3 Chicken & Roasted Cabbage

That's sesame cubed for those slow at math. Don't worry - I am among you. We are a sad, sad breed of Homo sapiens. I did the WOD at night today. Big. Mistake. I get it out of the way in the morning because every time I finish one, I'm WIRED for the rest of the day uuuntil I crash. At 9pm. At best. So now, instead of being pooped, I'm on an endorphin-induced crack-out. Hence the crazy eyes.

I've been having mayja rotator cuff issues putting weight overhead, which is a slight problem considering the fact that every other workout has some sort of overhead lift. But, alas, I've been doing mobility. Hardcore. So much so that my subscapularis and supraspinatus (maybe not so much that infraspinatus & teres minor but what do I know) are so freaking sore. Those are the muscles of the rotator cuff for those anatomically challenged. Man, I'm just callin people out left and right on their weaknesses tonight aren't I? Throw those muscles on an animal and I'm good. Humans? Ehhhhh. Maybe that's why I don't actually know which muscles are sore. I'm challenged with humans. In a scientific AND social way. We already knew the latter though.

Apparently, the penitential season started today following some sort of ash-smearing ritual instead of last night at midnight. I'm being facetious I know what the ash-Wednesday ceremony signifies. But I wasn't joking about forgetting that my whole giving-up shpeil/shpiel/shpeel (??) started later-ish today. Whatever. I stayed true anyway. So I'm going a FULL 40 days instead of just a measly 39 1/4. I even have proof that I'm being good. Kinda. Take my word for it though. See that snapshot of my so wonderfully labeled iPhone category "Socialite" - aka, all things social, 1/2 of which I never use - well, 2 very distinct apps are missing! Pinterest & Twitter. Now that they're not on my phone, they're not easily accessible by habit. I'm so good aren't I. I hope I was clear on the fact that milk chocolate is irrelevant when it comes to this whole, me giving up chocolate thing. Milk chocolate, simply stated, is not real chocolate. Give me the bitter, 90% dark chocolate ANY day. I don't eat milk chocolate in the first place, so therefore, I don't have to give it up.
You may be wondering. "But ET, without chocolate, what HAVE you been eating?" Well, I don't feel like writing a long post about my random experiences with random sh*t throughout my random days, so I'll just cut straight to the chase and post the goods.

Tomato, Spinach Egg Cups:
Makes 1 serving. Double or even quadruple if you'd like. It's an easy-to-manipulate recipe.

• 2 tomatoes on the vine
• Fresh spinach, about a cup-ish, but it all depends on how big your tomatoes are
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced. If you're a garlic-fiend like me, go big or go home with 2+, 1 clove should be sufficient if you're shy. Or a vampire.
• 2 eggs
• Pepper, to taste
• Fresh basil for garnish

1. Preheat the oven to 375*, cut the tops off the tomatoes and scoop out the pulp. 

2. Stuff fresh spinach into the bottom of the tomato, leaving some room for an egg. I'm a big proponent of eye-balling things. Sorry I'm not sorry. 

3. Place half the garlic on top of the spinach in one cup and repeat with the other side.

4. Crack that sucker (the egg) into the cup. Repeat with the other. You CAN crack the eggs into a cup, individually if your cracking skills aren't up to par. And don't worry if some of the egg white/yolk dribbles over. Mine got all sorts of crazy and they were still good. 

5. Stick on a foil lined pan or baking dish, season with pepper, and bake 30 minutes for set yolks. 20-25 for runny yolks. I went for 35 and the yolks were too hard. You live and you learn.

6. Garnish with a basil leaf and dig in. (Note: don't try to eat pretty. I basically mashed everything up on my plate and scooped up as much recipe diversity as I could onto each forkful)

Usually the basil I buy is grown locally in Virginia. This past time, however, Kroger only had basil from some random part of the globe. What did I get? Franken-basil. Like WTF is that? That leaf is ginormous. Someone used some crazy herb-grow or whatever they spray on plants to make them freakishly large. On that note, I watched The World According to Monsanto last night.  I've never liked big-Ag, especially Monsanto. But MAN are they f*cked up. GMO's = sketch. I think they play a large part in the whole downfall of the honey bee's thing (google it) but that's just a hunch. I haven't followed up on it since I completed a semester-long project on it. Maybe my theories have been proven right. Wouldn't be the first time, heh heh. Just kidding. Usually, I am quite, quite wrong. 

Oh and I forgot I've been sick! That's the main reason I didn't do CrossFit this morning. I told myself I needed rest, but guess what? After tonight's workout I feel a million bucks better. Sweat that sucker out with Burpee Box Jumps YEAH. Yesterday sucked ass though. I nearly died after the WOD. Pounding headache, sore throat, achy cheeks/nasal cavities, shiver, fever sweats, the whole gamut of flu-like symptoms. I drank like 8 cups of cold-"tea", ate vegetarian chili - with CHICKPEAS RAH, it was my last day of no legumes, don't hurt me!, and watched documentaries. Oh and started re-reading textbooks. I'm going stir-crazy without a consistent job. My research position is great and all, but man, I get bored. I finish the work too quickly. It's data input, lezzbehonest: not the hardest thing in the world. 

Cold/Flu Paleo Tea:

Makes 1 cup.

• 2 tsp grated fresh ginger
• ~1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice, no seeds!
• 1 tbsp raw honey
• Boiling water

1. Throw the ginger into a mug, then the lemon juice, then the honey, then the boiling water (however much will fit in your mug). Wait til it cools - drink. Enjoy. Relax. Heal. 

Seriously, that sh*t is a lifesaver. And it tastes amazing too. You could even add some garlic up in there or maybe even some cayenne powder. Get creative with that biz.

Now, to our right we have embryogenesis. Specifically, the formation of the lobes of the pituitary. Liiiiterally, I have no life. Or friends. I draw creepy embryos all day. And cook. And workout. And eat almond butter. So basically I get fat. Weee!

Speaking of almond butter. Maranatha sucks. I dunno if that's how you even spell it but that brand is poo. Way too sugary. I like the straight up ground stuff. I can feel the sugar kind goin to my love handles. I don't like that feeling.

ONE MORE RECIPE. The sesame cubed chicken I talked about so long ago. 

All shapes & sizes. NBD.

Sesame^3 Chicken w/ Roasted Cabbage:

Chicken: 

• 1 pound chicken breast
• 1/4 cup tahini
• 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon coconut oil
• 1 tablespoon tamari or coconut aminos
• 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil

Cabbage: 

• 1 medium head of cabbage
• Olive oil spray
• Lemon juice, from about 1 lemon
• Coarse ground pepper - lemon pepper if you have it works as well

1. Preheat oven to 450*.

2. Chop cabbage into wedges. Do this as best and as symmetrical as you can. I'm challenged and mine came out in all shapes and sizes, but it still worked. I go for taste, not photographability. Yes, that is now a word. 

3. Spray a baking sheet with olive oil. Spray cabbage wedges. Sprinkle lemon evenly over cabbage. Sprinkle with pepper to taste.

4. Roast for 15 minutes. Flip, re-sprinkle the other side with lemon juice and pepper. Roast for 12-15 more minutes.

While the cabbage is roasting: 

1. Cut chicken into strips. However big you'd like them. Mine came in all shapes and sizes.
2. In a large bowl, combine the tahini, tamari/coconut aminos, and sesame oil. Whip that sh*t together. My first attempt failed miserably because tahini likes to chunk up. Make sure you whip it good. Like the song. About whipped cream. Which you shouldn't eat. Wait, it is about whipped cream right? Whatever.
3. Add chicken to the bowl, coating with sauce. Slather it all up on there. Give the chicken a massage with tahini sauce. 

4.    Marinate in the refrigerator for a few hours if possible. The first time I made this at Allyson's I didn't marinate, unless you count the 15 minute car ride. The second time I did and I honestly couldn't taste a significant difference. But I was hungry.

5.    In a large skillet, heat the coconut oil over medium-high heat. 

6.    Add the chicken strips and saute until golden brown and cooked through (about 4 minutes per side). The sauce should sort of caramelize on the chicken. It's so freaking good this way, just wait. 

7.    Sprinkle with sesame seeds. The third sesame of the sesame cubed. Tahini is sesame paste for those that don't know. You can buy this at your local global or health foods store. Get ready for a pricey purchase though. It's awesome and you can make a ton of sh*t with it though so don't worry.

And that's about it! Sorry for the recipe dump. I've got some superb bison-meatballs comin your way for tomorrow. DE-lish. I had the little one begging incessantly after she tasted some of the thawing bison-juices that fell on the floor of the kitchen. Weirdo/carnivorous pup. 

  

Warning: the above recipe may come with a drooling pooch.